she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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