About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
