dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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