your parents love me but you hate me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
