Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Randomize
