i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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