i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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