i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
