Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
