Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize