Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
