I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
