peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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