My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
