you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
