so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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