That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
