at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
