I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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