pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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