I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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