How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
