Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
