i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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