man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
