you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
