We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
