Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
