Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
