well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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