The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
