So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
