On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
