1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I lost the right to judge tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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