Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
