my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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