So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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