So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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