When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
