dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
