if i can run in heels then i can drive
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
