Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
