Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
