I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
