He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
