Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
