He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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