Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
