I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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