Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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