just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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