The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think people are normalizing furries
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
