maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
