The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
