If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
