Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
