It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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