I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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